by Rick Warren
There is an old story about a young man who came to the celebrated Greek philosopher Socrates to receive instruction in public speaking and oratory. From the moment the young man was introduced to the great thinker, he began to talk in a non-stop flow of words. This continued for such an extended time that Socrates could not get a word in edge-wise. He finally silenced the young man by putting his hand over his mouth.
“Young man,” said Socrates, “I am going to have to charge you a double fee for my training.”
The man complained, “A double fee! Why would you do that?”
Socrates replied, “Because to make you a good leader I will have to teach you two sciences: First, you must learn the science of holding your tongue; then you can learn the science of using it correctly!”
Good leaders are always good listeners. That is how they learn. That is how they assess what needs to be done. Unfortunately, one reason we often do not have alert ears is because we have open mouths.
Someone has speculated that since God gave us two ears and only one mouth, He must have intended for us to listen twice as much as we talk!
The Bible says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). If we follow the first two parts of this verse, the third part is automatic. When we are quick to listen (eager to hear and understand what is being said) and slow to speak (cautious not to speak prematurely) – we are slow to become angry (we keep our emotions under control and can respond appropriately).
Studies have shown that there are four basic styles of listening:
1. THE JUDGMENTAL LISTENER – This person already has his mind made up and does not want to be confused by the facts. He is critical, negative, and prejudiced. Studies have shown that 17 percent of the population falls into this category.
2. THE INTERROGATIVE LISTENER – This person thinks that good listening consists of continuously firing a series of questions at the person who is speaking. Questions are important to conversation, but interrupting with questions gets old very quickly. According to research, 26 percent of all people use this approach.
3. THE ADVICE-GIVING LISTENER – More people (35 percent) are in this category. They listen only long enough to make a quick assessment, and then they move toward what they really want to do – offer unsolicited advice. They do not really listen. They are not concentrating on everything you are saying; they hear only enough for them to respond.
4. THE EMPATHETIC LISTENER – This style is used by only 22 percent of the population, but it is by far the most effective. You listen to capture the feeling of the person you are listening to, not just the content of their words. You pay attention to tone, facial expressions and body language – the non-verbal signs. Try listening with your eyes this week, not just your ears. You might learn something new.
Reflection questions
1. Can you think of someone in particular that you regard as a good listener? What in your opinion are the traits or attributes of a good listener?
2. Do you agree with the statement, “Good leaders are always good listeners”? Why or why not?
3. How can a person become a better listener – what steps can be taken to improve that skill?
4. In look at the four basic styles of listeners, into which category do you think you fit the best? Are you satisfied with your listening style? If not, what might you do to change categories and enhance your own leadership capabilities?
If you have a Bible, consider these other passages that deal with this topic: Proverbs 10:8, 10:19, 11:12, 12:23, 15:23, 17:27-28, 20:12, 25:11-12, 15; Acts 28:26-27
Bom líder…bom ouvinte
por Rick Warren
Conta-se uma velha história de um jovem que procurou o renomado filósofo grego Sócrates, para ser instruído em oratória e discurso em público. Ao ser apresentado ao grande pensador, desandou a falar sem parar. A situação persistiu por longo espaço de tempo durante o qual Sócrates não foi capaz de pronunciar uma única palavra. Ele finalmente silenciou o tagarela colocando a mão sobre a boca dele. “Meu jovem”, disse-lhe Sócrates, “vou ter que cobrar-lhe o dobro pelo treinamento”.
O homem reclamou: “O dobro? Por que?” Sócrates respondeu: “Porque para fazer de você um grande líder, vou ter que ensinar-lhe duas técnicas: em primeiro lugar, aprender a arte de refrear a língua; depois poderá aprender a arte de usá-la corretamente!”
Bons líderes sempre são bons ouvintes. É assim que aprendem e avaliam o que precisa ser feito. Infelizmente, uma das razões para não termos sempre ouvidos alertas é termos a boca aberta. Alguém avaliou que, já que Deus nos deu dois ouvidos e apenas uma boca, fomos projetados para ouvir o dobro do que falamos!
A Bíblia afirma: “Sejam todos prontos para ouvir, tardios para falar e tardios para irar-se” (Tiago 1.19). Se seguirmos as duas primeiras partes deste versículo, a terceira virá naturalmente. Quando estamos prontos para ouvir (dispostos a escutar e entender o que está sendo dito) e somos tardios para falar (cautelosos para não falar prematuramente), também somos tardios para irar-nos (manter as emoções sob controle e reagindo de modo apropriado). Estudos revelaram a existência de quatro estilos básicos de ouvinte:
1. Ouvinte julgador. É o que já tomou decisão e não quer ser confundido pelos fatos. Ele é crítico, negativo e preconceituoso. Estudos mostraram que 17% das pessoas se encaixam nessa categoria.
2. Ouvinte interrogador. É o que imagina que ser bom ouvinte é disparar uma série de perguntas à pessoa que está falando. Perguntas são importantes numa conversa. Mas interromper com perguntas aborrece. De acordo com pesquisas, 26% das pessoas usam essa abordagem.
3. Ouvinte conselheiro. Mais pessoas – 35% – se encaixam aqui. Ouvem apenas o suficiente para fazer uma avaliação e, então, passam a fazer exatamente o que pretendiam: oferecer conselhos não solicitados. Elas na verdade não ouvem. Não se concentram em tudo o que está sendo dito; ouvem o suficiente para poder responder.
4. Ouvinte empático. Este estilo é usado apenas por 22% das pessoas, mas é de longe o mais eficiente. Ouve-se para capturar o sentimento de quem está falando e não apenas as suas palavras. Presta-se atenção ao tom de voz, expressões faciais e linguagem corporal – sinais não verbais. Nesta semana, tente ouvir com os olhos e não apenas com os ouvidos. Você pode aprender algo novo!
Questões para reflexão
1. Você conhece alguém que é um bom ouvinte? Quais são, em sua opinião, as características de um bom ouvinte?
2. Concorda que “bons líderes sempre são bons ouvintes’? Por que?
3. Como uma pessoa pode tornar-se um ouvinte melhor? Que passos podem ser adotados para melhorar essa habilidade?
4. Analisando as categorias de ouvintes, em qual você se encaixa melhor? Você está satisfeito com seu estilo? Caso não, o que precisa fazer para mudar e melhorar sua capacidade de liderança?
Desejando considerar outras passagens da Bíblia relacionadas ao tema, sugerimos: Provérbios 10.19; 15.23; 17.27-28; 25.11-12; Atos 28:26-27.
janeiro 28th, 2010 at 8:08
Wonderfull!!!
Me fez refletir. Lembrei de um livro chamado O CORPO FALA, complementou meu pensamento pois nos torna mais observadores e consequentemente melhores ouvintes.
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:32
Listening to one’s heart still requires listening
Yes Hamilton…and listening to one’s heart still requires listening…if we’re not listening to others we’re probably not listening to our heart very well either…probably. So…even listening to our hearts requires the basics of all listening which would include being still (or quiet) and simply receiving (without the judgment/criticism/evaluating). Ahh…this is the “rub” isn’t it? How many folks are effective at listening without judgment, criticism or evaluation? Hmmmmmm.
Posted by David Breslow from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:31
First listen our heart.
Listening is one of the conscience stealer if we do not empty our mind before to listen to. Buddha named the five senses as conscience stealers, once it could deviate and distort everything we get from outside. To be a good listener we might first listen our heart.
Posted by Hamilton Ibanes from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:30
Excellent
- excellent, Deni!
- nothing to add…
from Opher Liba Founder, Mathematically (R) – Center for Educational Enrichment
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:29
Top five
My top five list:
1 – Open hearted
2 – Compassionate
3 – Carresingly
4 – Empathetic
5 – Respectfully
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:29
Summ up
Well..here is a summary thus far:
Passively
Active
Passionate
Simply
Empathetic
Reflectively
Open minded
Perfect
Selective
Respectfully
Kindly
Politely
Carresingly
Open hearted
Approachable
Proactive
Receptive
Careful
Kind
Compassionate
What about to set a top five priority scale?
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:29
Compassionate, empathetic, listener…
Posted by Andreya B. Chatis
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:28
Kind
Kind and careful…listening is not convincing…
Ben
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:28
My answer
to answer the question What kind of a listener are you: my answer: Careful…
Posted by Andreya B. Chatis
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:28
Precious things
David,
Time and conversational skills are precious things, aren’t they and they facilitate listening abilities! To be able to have the time to listen without being distracted thinking of the time you need to keep and the ability of the communicator to precisely convey what he wants in a given time frame without feeling the other person isn’t ‘getting it’.
If you meant people should substantiate their statements, if so that I totally agree.
Posted by Suman Parthasarathy
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:27
Many forms
Many different forms and levels of listening…
Posted by Andreya B. Chatis
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:27
Receptive/approachable
Hi Smsan,
Of course…yes…a good listener should be…receptive/approachable.
Not sure about your interpretation that I must have “mild mannered people” talking to me. This assumption is simply incorrect. I have all kinds of people talking to me from the “mild” to the boisterous, aggressive, arrogant, egotistical, kind, loving, compassionate and so on.
I’m not in a traditional office so there are no desks for me to stop by.
However, I will check in with clients in the same manner as you describe…out of the blue and unannounced…via telephone…which is how I interact with the majority of them in the first place.
re: the golfer. This was just an example…could have been a corporate manager or supervisor and he may or not have been trying to impress me as you say but in my opinion…no…i don’t think so. Most really believe that his is their reason for playing…until we uncover the more true reason…and then it becomes clear to them why they are having the negative experience they are having…making it easier to shift to something more productive. And again the point is…it doesn’t really matter “why” he offers that answer (whether it’s to impress me or not or whether he truly believes it or not)…what matters is that he sees that his answer is different than his experience and therefore…there is another..truer reason he’s playing the game…and causing the negative/subpar performance…and that’s what we get to.
And yes….he could be very passionate about the game and his desire to succeed but unaware that this desire and passion could actually be turning against him (in the form of over thinking, over trying and over controlling, etc.) and taking him down the path of anger, frustration and so on.
Hope this clarifies
Posted by David Breslow
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:27
Has to be approachable
David, to be a good listener, one has to be approachable, based on your manner of speaking, you really must have mild mannered people talking to you!
Have you tried being proactive and stopping by a person’s desk to ‘ask’ how they were doing, when you have more than ‘5 minutes’; About the golfer who in my opinion seems to be wanting to impress you, is he really passionate about the game and his wish to succeed in it too much that he gets angry when mistakes are made?!
Posted by Suman Parthasarathy from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:26
This happens with listening…
Hi Christine,
If I may continue on what you wrote. I too am in very, very different conversations from the “norm” on a regular basis…and it is set up that way. As a result, people aren’t generally used to that or used to someone pointing out their words and asking why they’re even saying what they are saying.
I do notice that often…people speak in what I call “code”–meaning that they don’t actually say what they mean…and at the same time they don’t believe I’M SAYING WHAT I MEAN. For a simple example…I’ll tell someone when they call that I have 5 minutes to speak right now and they think I really have 15 minutes so they go on and on and try to keep me on the phone. When the 5 minutes go by…I remind them that I’m leaving right now as I said I would and will speak to them later and say “good-bye”. This is not to be “mean” or “arrogant’…I just find the truth simple and honest.
I suppose I don’t spend my energy trying to “figure someone out” as you mentioned…I just know that if I’m open and receptive…they are showing me “who they are” as they speak anyway…so nothing to really figure out there. If I want to know more about them or how they go about things, etc…I simply ask. I gave up the “figuring out thing” a while ago…makes my life much easier as well as the person I’m talking to because they just tell me if I ask.
Re: actions being different than the words
This is true…and again for me…I keep it very simple..When the experience they are having is different than the words they say.. (i.e. a golfer says, “I play to have fun and be my best” and yet they tell me their experience on the golf course is, “I get angry easily, don’t let go os mistakes and it’s not as fun as it should be for me”.
I’ll simply say something like “Well…I will pay far more attention to what your experience is than your words about why you play, Clearly you say you play for one reason yet go out and have a very different experience and since the experiences are a direct result of what you REALLY think and believe…let’s move away from the “ideal answer” you just gave me and get down and dirty with the truth…of why you really play the game?”
This happens with listening…
Posted by David Breslow
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:26
You are right on the money
Especially when I am talking with someone new and am learning their looks, likes and dislikes, it takes much more effort to stay in the moment. The rewards are greater too.
David, you are right on the money with your response. And the truth is that it is exhausting sometimes because I am not yet fully aware of my own stuff!
Also, beyond the way you described the “stuff” as being right or being heard, there is another level for me. I don’t find the need to be right as much anymore, especially because when I am wrong, I learn and grow. What I find is that I have trouble sometimes determining what people are really saying or making sure I hear all of their message.
Many times people hide the truth (purposely or unconsciously) and I see a discrepancy between what they say and their actions or facial expressions. These are distractions too for active listening. This is where I have the most difficulty lately. Much of my communication is about Spiritual Growth (volunteer role), Religion (blogger) or my business product, Grateful Chics Gratitude Beads. So you may understand how communication that is on a deep level is different than everyday chatter.
This is a great discussion, thanks for posting! Joy
Posted by Christine Stevens joy@gratefulchics.com
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:25
Why?
@Joy and Ronald…
I’m curious as to why you think active listening is “toughest” and “exhausting”?
I don’t agree with that assessment. Active Listening is truly listening without giving in to your own distractions/opinions/judgments/ etc.
Is this what you’re calling “tough” and “exhausting” to do? Maybe so…but it’s been my experience that when one is truly aware of their own “stuff” (inner habits of resistance, the need to take over, be heard, be right and so on) then the practice of true listening (which includes “active” listening I suppose) is easier and easier…as one learns to detach from their own “inner noise”.
I admit that this takes some practice…yes it does…and the practice and doing of it can be a challenge…at first…but when one chooses to do so…’active’ listening ceases to be difficult or exhausting.
Posted by David Breslow
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:25
I agree
Joy: “Active listening is the toughest”
Yes i agree, because you need more than your ears(shells pointing towards the other) but your all the other senses of your whole “being” as well, to be focused on the other party. And that can be a very exhausting job.
Posted by Ronald Vermeij from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:25
It’s about to being aware
hey Grateful Chic,
Your post reminds me that it’s not about trying to be a “good listener” all the time…but what it is about is being aware–not of the other person…but of myself and my tendencies, ego, need to be heard, be right and so on. It’s not having those inner experiences that I try to remove…it’s heightening my awareness of them so that when they do “show up”–I make more conscious choices rather than allow them to “run the show”.
Just so happens this heightened awareness within allows me to hear the other person better anyway…and it’s easier to “see them”.
Posted by David Breslow
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:24
Good listeners are NOT always good listeners.
Good listeners are NOT always good listeners. So many people tell me that I am a good listener, but I catch myself often making judgments or wondering why someone has said something. So then for just those few seconds, I leave the conversation and miss some of the nuances. Active listening is the toughest. Also, listening is varied depending on the person. Some want to talk and talk. Others want more interaction. It is important to get to know the person so that communication continues to get better and better. Joy Stevens, a Grateful Chic.
Posted by Christine Stevens joy@gratefulchics.com from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:24
“Shut up David”:)
That’s funny Dan:)
Just to add a bit to what I wrote earlier…it’s not that I don’t also read between the lines quite automatically sometimes…of course I do…it’s just that before I react to what i “think I’m reading between the lines” I try to stop and immediately recognize that I’m about to make an assumption on something…and THEN am moved to “check it out”…I just find it easier…mentally to do this…saves me from a lot mental master_ _ _ _ _ _ (if ya know what I mean?:):)).
I’d never say, “shut up Dan!”…I’d probably just write: ‘I see the assumption you made so let me clarify what I intended to say”…or something like that.
If anything I’d be more apt to say, “Shut up David”:)
Posted by David Breslow
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:24
Posted by Dan de la Cruz, CMA, CPA
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:23
Thanks Dan…I guess that’s why I said, ‘not singling anyone’…so that nobody could read between the lines…and don’t you know…some might read between the lines anyway?:)
Ben: My take on reading between the lines is that it is the same as hearing between the lines:)
Posted by David Breslow from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:23
…?
Is reading between the lines comparable to hear between the ears??
Ben
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:23
Got you
Got you, David. I was just saying that if I don’t want to single-out someone then I just leave it at that without putting “and I’m not singling any one person or discussion group” which will prompt someone to ask “Are you not? or are you?” It’s probably just me as I am always “reading between the lines”.
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:22
Hey Dan,
You’re right about that…but in this case…I truly didn’t have any single person in mind…your comment (I think it was you) reminded me of something I’ve mentally noted at times in several of the groups I post in. I don’t gather names or anything like that. That would be quite arrogant on my part wouldn’t it? I’m certain I’ve had my own “moments” in discussions in the many different groups I post on…however, I try…as often as possible…to offer an opinion and note that it is my opinion and/or ask for clarification on something or write something like, ‘My assumption or interpretation of what you wrote was…not sure if that’s what you meant or not.”
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:22
Empathic listener
Ahaah! Thanks, David, I’ll pass that “hot and cold” comment to Ronald, are you there, Ronald? I hope that helps, Jessica might want to clarify what she really meant. Are we all listening?
Communication in these days and age is important more than ever. Listening is just one part of effective communication. To be a good communicator, we must be able to speak clearly, listen, acknowledge, validate, verify, provide feedback, clarify, etc., sometimes all at once…, and David, sometimes when you try to avoid singling someone you are doing the exact opposite by calling attention to it. So Empathic Listening might be prescribed to everyone, even pro-actively applied so we read our message before sending and put ourselves in the recipient’s, how would I react, would I think it’s me you’re talking about so that if it is, may it be better to name names so there’s no confusion? So far, I think I am selectively empathic listener.
Posted by Dan de la Cruz, CMA, CPA from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:22
Ah…communication…it’s everything, isn’t it?.
Hey Dan,
I speak English and I’m not sure what “hot and cold” means except to only guess that “hot” means that you are seeking to understand God…as she writes…and that makes you “hot”–open…receptive to the idea rather than “cold”–closed, unreceptive. That’s my take on it anyway.
Here’s my opinion—Having an opinion and trying to hammer it home is quite another. THAT is all about right vs. wrong…and needs not be part of a discussion group. The other issue for me is ‘Interpretation” of what is written…(not just of what I write but what others write as well) and I find on different groups (and I’m not singling any one person or discussion group) that…instead of checking out an interpretation to see if it’s what the author intended…the interpretation is assumed to be correct by a reader and their follow up posts are based on that.
Ah…communication…it’s everything, isn’t it?.
Posted by David Breslow from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:21
We share an open and welcoming nature
Great, Ronald, neither do I. I’ve read (and listened) to your insights, not only in this thread but in others as well, to understand more of your thoughts and I say this with confidence that though we may have differences, we also share an open and welcoming nature. I like that book, I’ve read it, too “Seek First to Understand….” by S R Covey. Be well!
Posted by Dan de la Cruz, CMA, CPA from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:21
What do you mean by “being hot and not cold” ??
@Dan:
I do not want,need to “win” (or lose) arguments. I do not want to convince anyone. I just share my experiences and viewpoints with others, so that they are able to look at it from a different perspective. What people do with it, that is upto themselves. And i’m open to others peoples viewpoints to.That is what makes this group a very interesting one.. With an open mind it enables me to broaden my horizon, feed myself with knowledge and insights from all around the globe
@Jessica,
My whole life is one big researching journey in the field of “understanding” myself and everything around me on this planet and in this universe. Like Steven R. Covey says “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”
What do you mean by “being hot and not cold” ?? My english is not that good yet, please explain?
Posted by Ronald Vermeij from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:20
HE is listening!
well , i see and hear that you are hot and not cold Ronald. that is good that you are at least seeking to understand. God isn’t religion thank God! He is listening.
Jessica Evrist
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:20
Note taken
Roger that sir! Note taken
Ronald Vermeij
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:20
LISTENING…not convincing
Well…seems we are back to the original purpose: what kind of listener are you? I am an open-minded/open-hearted listener – mainly for those who have different “religious or political” principles from those I confess myself. I’m very happy with the contributions posted thus far and I do encourage you to keep posting but would like to reinforce we are discussing about to LISTENING and not to convincing people…
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:19
Are we really liberated on this earth Dan?
“One is free to believe and not believe as you are liberated, so you can come and go.”
Are we really liberated on this earth Dan? Have you noticed how much religion is secretly interwoven in your personal life, environment, work?
- Basic-school types build on religious foundations,
- Political parties based on a certain religious principles,
- Areas, Countries divided by religion or believe system.
- Wars going on because of the fact that different have different religions (middle east, israel / palestina)
Not all earth’s inhabitants have the choice “to believe or not”, when they grow up on this planet.
Examples:
1. A (western) kid who is growing up in a strong religious community, city, state, country does not come in contact with any other religion that the one in its family, friends, community.
The kids goes to school – based on that community religious foundation – and slowly but surly the kid “free believe” options are transformed into the religions believe system of that same community.
2. “Middle East Scenario”,
Where young kids also are “dragged into grownups religions, “holy wars”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_war
Aks yourself:
How many 100% katholics live in the center of Teheran?
How many protestants live in the heart of Seoul?
Do you get the religious influence picture?.
Religion – to me – is like an invisible blanket, covering every free mind in the civilized part of this planet, to think and feel for themselves.
And eternal life..
Every soul that has chosen to incarnate in this 3d reality called “Earth” has the capability to live forever in time and space and return when the time is right for the next life on earth.
Brainwashed:
- How many “believers” are truly “openminded” for OTHER views, opinions, facts, realities than “the one reality” that has been spread by religion, church and bible?
- How many people do not think for themselves, take responsibility for their own lives, faith, lifes destiny?
This very succesfull method has made over a billion followers across the globe!. 1/5 of this planets population places their faith in “gods hands”.
Background reading material: http://utangente.free.fr/2003/monotheisminc.pdf
A beautiful and crystal clear overview of all earth religions and the evil forces behind the screens of churches.
Posted by Ronald Vermeij from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:19
Hebrews Chapter 4 verse 12 & 13
Ronald i have a great scripture from God’s word to help you understand the truth about soul divided from spirit. here it is..
hope this helps you on your journey to know and understand the living God.
Hebrews Chapter 4 verse 12 & 13. “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart…. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.
@ Dan
to be certain of your salvation… going to heaven…. here is a great scripture for you.. John chapter 5:24 says, (this is Jesus speaking as it is in red print),
” Most assuredly (that’s good) I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life and shall not come into judgement, but has passed from death into life.”
Posted by Jessica Evrist from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:19
“Worthiness”
Hey Brian,
You’ve eluded to this before so if it’s me your talking about (sand I believe it is)..then just say so.
But the real issue here is the confusion of your post…On one hand you say it’s important to listen with your hear…be open, etc. On the other you seem to comment on the fact that I used the same words the original poster used (don’t remember who it was) in which she (I think, she?) wrote that she predetermines what’s worth listening to and what is not…at least that’s the interpretation I had of those words.
So..how does predetermining the “worthiness” of a communication fit in with your “heart listening” commentary?
In any case…all I did was repeat what I interpreted and there was no “chastising” about it…just posed a question about it as I remember it. Geez…enough with the dramatics already:)
Posted by David Breslow from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:18
Don’t be ridiculous
Mr Vermej, mass manipulation? Brainwashed?
I believe that the church is in the heart of every believer and not the prayer house we call church. One is free to believe and not believe as you are liberated, so you can come and go. Who’s manipulating who? You who interprets someone’s writing or the one who reads the Bible and recites them in Faith? I am a Catholic, I welcome every faith and denomination, even gives atheist, devil worshippers their due respect. The Catholic church opens its doors to everyone and let them leave as they choose, many churches now remains empty because of weakening of faith (enlightenment you might say), so your claim of brainwashing and mass manipulation is blasphemous, ridiculous, especially at this level. Our Savior, Jesus, instructed the apostles that if a village rejects the teaching to leave and dust-off even their sandals, as not even dust should be attached to them when they leave. So you see, if you don’t want to believe, we’ll leave you alone in your earthly world. I for one is not missing anything by believing but by believing I give myself a “chance” to eternal life.
Posted by Dan de la Cruz, CMA, CPA from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:18
Listening with a good heart
I can attest in my decades of experience, responsible for large and small numbers, laborers and management… that listening is a prerequisite to effective management.
“Listening to the heart” needs to be part of the toolbox of that effective manager / leader. Being an otherwise heartless bastard is NOT at all a characteristic of an effective leader. That’s just for hollywood movie characters. Anyone with a real job leading real people in real situations knows better. At work or at play, we all must have the capability to listen to our hearts… along with everything else. Didn’t someone here not that long ago chastise someone else because they felt it was apparent that they had predetermined what was worthwhile to listen to?
Listening to the heart and with good heart is just part of the broad array of tools needed to lead in the real world.
Posted by Brian Kelly from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:18
I’m set free and clean.
wow. so I take it that you were raised catholic or something? I understand that man has religion . Religion or going to church doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a relationship with God.
God is a spirit.
soul and spirit.- YOUR soul is different than MINE in that we have different things put into those minds each soul is different. education , experiences , ways that we are raised… you are a man I am a woman.. so different there fo sho.
the spirit is the spirit… If we are all connected then perhaps it is on this level..
the body is the body. the shell that houses the spirit and soul, emotions, mind and experiences…The body dies and gets buried… i think that is self explanatory.
Now if the mind and body as you say are the same? then how come my toes cannot tell me the alphabet.. that is stupid i know.. but i know my mind is what rules the body..
Have you seen anyone do things that physics may make it difficult to do in the natural realm? I don’t know about quantum physics.. maybe you can teach us that please….
I’d love to see someone walk on water or go through a wall without being harmed. I know it happened in the bible.. they were not limited with their earth suit . I don’t want to be limited either… so I receive that knowledge by faith to be able to do those things.
I’m set free and clean. Yes and I am renewing my mind with God’s higher knowledge instead of man’s ways. thanks for reminding me to take a moment of time, etc.. I do every day.. thanks for the reminder I’ll try to do some more tonight. thanks again.
Jessica Evrist
CEO, Artistic Director,Hair Stylist/Product Designer at http://www.CaliforniaStylesSalon.com/Singer/Songwriter/Radio show host
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:17
The Bible is the masterpiece of mass manipulation
@Jessica:
“You see we are spirit beings that have a soul and a body.”. To me there is no (real, thinking) “separation” between soul and body. That is typical “René Descartes” philosophy crapp on which the whole western civilisation and religion is build.
>> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind-body_problem
If you are able to understand quantum physics, at this level.. our energy is interconnected with EVERYTHING and EVERY DIMENSION around us..yes even with a so called God if he, she existed). Their are no real borders and limits in this physical world. Only brainwashed limitation into your own mind to manipulate you via “faith” and “belief”. and to prohibit that you start to think for yourself
“Your belief system that is preventing you from taking a step of faith. You have been brain washed by….” the Church,
http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False Religions/Roman Catholicism/satanism_in_the_vatican.
http://www.sarabite.info/devil.html
http://www.tldm.org/news/martin.htm
http://www.sarabite.info/pd-index.html
“State controlled consiousness” called School”
http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/underground/index.htm
================================================
“Our carnal minds cannot understand the things of the spirit”
Sure right if you BELIEVE that, you are right.
If you start liberating yourself from the brainwashing that this society has been giving you since the day you where born… you too would have a FREE and CLEAN mind…that is able to understand and FEEL much more that you do now
Take a moment of your time, and start thinking, feeling, realizing, how your world could have been, if you had never heard of the church of never had read The Bible ..the biggest masterpiece in history of mass manipulation.
Ronald Vermeij
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:17
God is waking you up
that’s funny. two things….talking and waiting to talk..(interject.). ha ha..
now that, i deduct, is not listening. Good one.
This is a message to the brethren..speaking about listening.. we can know that God is speaking to us by His word, and in the quiet times.
Are you Sleeping? Brother ________ Morning bells are ringing. Ding ding dong.
I think perhaps that song could be prophetic. Are you finding that you are waking up from 2 – 4 in the morning? If so.. could that be God calling us? Are you praying or is that the time you go down to the fridge? If we have been given the AIR. IF God is calling us to HEAVENLY PLACES… to come up higher in our thoughts..rather than our lowly thinking don’t you think He may have a plan to be strategizing against the enemy?
Are you praying in the spirit enough? Are you praying in the spirit? Let me repeat… Are you using your spirit’s language ? Because Gods’ ways are higher than ours…. remember? He uses foolish things to confound “the wise”. It is also a sign to the unbelievers. read chapter 2 in the book of Acts.
You see we are spirit beings that have a soul and a body.. IF you are carnally minded, thinking of and attending to only the things of the mind and body….lower than God minded then you will not understand the ways of the spirit. If you are listening to the devil. Yes.. I say the devil , satan those one third of the evil spirits that were thrown down to earth…before we were created.. ezekiel 28 11 talks about satan how he once was in heaven as lucifer the angel of the Lord who was the musician and worship minister in heaven…but because he got puffed up and decided to take a following of the hosts of heaven to himself he was cast down here.. that is the evil in the world…. those are the spirits who are whispering in your ear these things…
“that speaking in tongues is of the devil” because it is not, it is a supernatural gift from the Holy spirit take a look at the book of acts in the bible especially chapter 2 and 19.
Maybe you’ve even heard people even in the church,,,say…
“Oh those people are weird,they are fulfilling their lustful desires for attention.”
Here is another thing the devil yes, devil… you can’t have hot without cold, ying without yang, up without down… there is good and there is evil.. the unseen spiritual forces will speak to your mind,that is where the negative thoughts come from… you see He tries to gain entry into a human host by speaking things to you making believe that he is YOUR thoughts! making you say things that are not good.. yes, you can lend yourself to thoughts and then speak them out of your mouth and you wonder… why did i say such a thing… it was a suggestion and you just thought it was your own thought.. once it gains entry and you speak it out of your mouth it starts to activate with your permission.. yikes.. we do need to watch what we say. cancel it.
even in the body of believers,…LIke this….”Oh your pastor would definitely say that is of the flesh speaking in tongues” or “Oh that is make believe gibberish”, hmm what else is the enemy doing to give you a strong hold on your mind so he can rob you of your spiritual gifts and power?
I said STRONG HOLD. Your belief system that is preventing you from taking a step of faith. You have been brain washed by satan as the bible says…” Do not forbid to speak in tongues.” Look it up yourself, it’s in there.
Or do you only look at the bible when your pastor only preaches from a certain text? Or does your pastor ever crack the bible open? Do you go to a church that says nice fluffy things, catch phrases, psychology, which is man’s thinking? (I’ve studied psychology in college, I’m aware..). remember that God says,”My ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts..”
Our carnal minds cannot understand the things of the spirit. so Paul the apostle said,” I will pray in the spirit and I will pray in the understanding.”
If God is waking you up brother “John” or sister Jessica then wake up and pray, wait or do what He is telling you to do.
Jessica Evrist
CEO, Artistic Director,Hair Stylist/Product Designer at http://www.CaliforniaStylesSalon.com/Singer/Songwriter/Radio show host
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:16
Resist
Well said Paul,
For some…this terminology of “listening with the heart” is something to resist…as it’s not about the heart…it’s about the head…and thinking and logic and pragmatism and so on. BEING…is something folks (based on my experience personally and with my clients) that sounds good (maybe?) yet requires awareness and attention to experience…and a large dose of the old “letting go”…letting go of old listening habits, run-on mind, ego (the need to be heard, be right, be noticed, etc)…This takes real conscious work on the part of the person interested in going in that direction.
And…you’re spot on again when you say the heart tends to hear something entirely different…as it “hears” without the “noise being offered by the mind/ego ramblings and all of its distractions.
This is why I also believe (and have heard the “confusion” of this from clients trying to gather all the information they can…yet coming off mechanically listening) all the labeling and “kinds of listening” distributed by workshops and so on tends to create too many strategies in the “effort” to TRY to listen. As you elude to (in my interpretation of it)…listening doesn’t require TRYING it requires just the opposite…being there.
David Breslow
Peak Performance Coach–Changing the way you Live, Work and Play
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:16
Let’s listen
Ouvir é um dos maiores desafios para se obter uma liderança eficaz,pois, muitas vezes achamos que já sabemos o fim da história sem nem ao menos ela ter começado,
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:16
BEING
What about just being absolutely still for a change? No waiting, no idling, not being bored, just BEING. And in that state of just BEING, you’re able to listen with your heart. The strange thing is, however, that your heart tends to hear entirely different things than your ears ever will.
Paul Mulder Ghb
Owner, PM Multitalent/ PM Tekst
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:15
Listening…
Well…listening it’s a good option for you to be doing while waiting…I guess.
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:15
NOT talking
The opposite of talking might be waiting but the real question for me is: what am I doing while I’m “waiting”. Am I wandering, bored, waiting to interject, get my point across or am I waiting in a way that is receptive and can respond/react to what I’m actually hearing…and/or clarify what I THINK I’m hearing?
I’d say the opposite of talking is NOT talking and what one does in that “down’ time can make a huge difference.
People on these groups do a lot of talking don’t we?:):)
David Breslow
Peak Performance Coach–Changing the way you Live, Work and Play
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:14
Heart
The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. The hearth of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his hearth…
Ben Franklin
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:14
Move on
Thanks for the warning, Brian. Well, they can fall in line…, a lot of people ahead of them. :-]
I think we all agree that what’s being asked is give everyone their chance to speak and listen to what they say, after which given the due respect, each one will take what they need and move on.
Dan de la Cruz, CMA, CPA
Regional Controller
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:14
Tks
Great clarification and redirection Deni! Thanks!
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:13
Golden Rule…
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). If we follow the first two parts of this verse, the third part is automatic. When we are quick to listen (eager to hear and understand what is being said) and slow to speak (cautious not to speak prematurely) – we are slow to become angry (we keep our emotions – LOL – under control and can respond appropriately).
So it’s not about to listen incessantly…it’s about to listen respectfully, kindly, politely, carressingly… It’s about the ethic of reciprocity, more commonly known as the Golden Rule: “do to others what you would like to be done to you” …
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:13
I’m with you Dan!
Nice Dan. Be careful, someone may step up to tell you off because you’re entering your “listening opportunities” with predispositions! LOL @ that perspective! There was that parable about the old man, the young boy and the donkey. Totally unproductive to simply listen incessantly. Take in what you can and what you must, make a decision, take action. Deal with it. Its ultimately what true leaders in the field do.
I’m with you Dan!
Posted by Brian Kelly from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:13
Enough
I’ve listened enough but I will admit I don’t listen to everything. There’s a person I recall who can’t make a decision because he had listened to too many people with conflicting views and came out more confused. I am therefore a very selective listener, if it’s not worth anything don’t waste time on it. You could chose to ignore me and I wouldn’t care, and if I think it’s important to you I would repeat myself and scream at you.
from Dan de la Cruz, CMA, CPA Regional Controller
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:12
Interesting…
Interesting to see so many offering testament to the value of listening. An interesting quandry… somewhat of a contradiction. With all these countless posts and comments on all these constantly evolving discussions here on L & T… apparently there are quite a number of us who are feverishly “talking”… with that many “senders”, I sure hope there are a few who are “receivers”, or perhaps doing double duty! LOL!
from Brian Kelly Logistics Management, Transportation and Warehouse Operations Executive
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:12
Tks
Barry,
That is fascinating and a great testament to the true power of listening and focusing on another person rather than seeking to being heard.
Thanks for that.
from David Breslow Peak Performance Coach–Changing the way you Live, Work and Play
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:12
Listening is a skill that should be taught to our kids early. My guess is it would go a long way in creating a successful career.
I heard about a study I believe was done some years ago about listening. A man was instructed to sit next to another passenger on a plane and to not discuss himself. Just ask the other questions about himself and life etc. As the passenger walked off the plane, he was asked what he thought about the man sitting next to him. He replied, he thought he was one of the most interesting man he had ever met!
from Barry Kahan Founder & Editor at Single Dad Life
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:11
Simplicity
Osvaldo, I like your take on this topic. Simplicity is king! We have two ears and one mouth for a reason… Asking the best questions will lead to the best results.
posted by Manfred Gollent Executive Coach at QLI International
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:11
Socratic…
Socratic Dialogue! Talking is one way, listening is one way, dialogue is bi-directional!
posted by Dean Call Senior Project Management Officer at Northrop Grumman Mission Systems
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:11
Great
Barry,
That is fascinating and a great testament to the true power of listening and focusing on another person rather than seeking to being heard.
Thanks for that.
Posted by David Breslow from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:10
Teach your kids…
Listening is a skill that should be taught to our kids early. My guess is it would go a long way in creating a successful career.
I heard about a study I believe was done some years ago about listening. A man was instructed to sit next to another passenger on a plane and to not discuss himself. Just ask the other questions about himself and life etc. As the passenger walked off the plane, he was asked what he thought about the man sitting next to him. He replied, he thought he was one of the most interesting man he had ever met!
Posted by Barry Kahan from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:10
Tks
Well Brian,
You’ve made quite a leap from the words in my post…somehow interpreting that I have myself on some listening mountain top? Not quite sure how you got there but you did.
I made no such claims.
However, I do make a practice of listening…and listening…and am I a perfect listener…of course not…and don’t pretend to be.
Your analogy to the “brown stuff” is completely irrelevant to the comment I made although it’s humorous in it’s own way… My comment referred to something very specific that Jessica referred to…
Ok Jessica…got it…thanks for the explanation…I truly didn’t know what you originally meant…now I “hear ya”.
Posted by David Breslow from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:09
I believe that as leader your mouth should be the last thing to be used.
Use your eyes to see, you ears to hear, your body to carry out the action and than use your mouth to teach.
Posted by Osvaldo Antonio from Leadership Think Tank
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:09
Faith comes by hearing part IV
Ah! giggles…you are welcome. so what was heard?
Extraction from reading ….well , a new discussion about communication could also reveal a lot about what is inside the heart….
a lot of the senses can give insight. not just listening , as there are many ways of communicating. Writing,/reading,( seeing), smelling,(I smell cake.. somebody loves me fat…) feeling, sensing.
.”Brown stuff on the sidewalk ” could be an indication that you reside in a metropolitan city with not too many houses nearby with lawns”.
But some prime directives can come from hurt feelings. You think? or you don’t think? Oh that’s right this is the leaders and thinkers group. so let’s hear what you are thinking leaders.
posted by Jessica Evrist CEO, Artistic Director, Hair Stylist/Product Designer at http://www.CaliforniaStylesSalon.com/Singer/Songwriter/Radio show host
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:08
Truly smiling here, thanks!
posted by Brian Kelly Logistics Management, Transportation and Warehouse Operations Executive
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:08
Faith comes by hearing part III
oh Mr. Brian Kelly
such passion to protect…. you are like Peter….one of the disciples… Don’t cut off any ears with your sharp sword .
now .I have to put David’s ear back on … here you are David..that’s all better now.. oh, without the earing too.. amazing a new ear to hear!!!! well, I know he will hear what I’m saying now a lot clearer..
.Here is a listening exercise. read what I’m saying and hear what I’m saying..
oh “mr. kelly” , come on now..” refried beans”? what happened that you do not like “that yummy taste.”.see how renewing your mind makes a difference with what you CAN like and formally DID not like. .try “it “again now..
. just close your eyes (and don’t think about cat stuff.)..when you try something different /A NEW WAY. It’s a discipline… it will help you to train your brain.
( I love refried beans.. especially with tortillas and hot sauce. yum..come on…. I dare you to try it again. especially taco bell if you have one in your area……. it won’t taste anything like the stuff on the side walk, I promise..(not out of experience though , Just from some type of revelation knowledge of sorts.)
.. I Don’t necessarily need experiential knowledge in everything….I just watch the mistakes others make then I avoid it. maybe you’ll find that you love ” ____ “too. Once you retrain your mind set.. can you hear me? What did I say?
posted by Jessica Evrist CEO, Artistic Director, Hair Stylist/Product Designer at http://www.CaliforniaStylesSalon.com/Singer/Songwriter/Radio show host
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:08
Faith comes by hearing part II
Faith comes by hearing and hearing the Word of God.
I suppose it also can come from meditating or thinking about bad stuff too.
Like some people think(or maybe it is the enemy talking to their brains and the people are deceived thinking it is their own thoughts…) usually if it is something that tries to hurt someone. it is usually from satan..Cause he comes to steal, kill and destroy. but Jesus comes to give life and more abundantly.
so back what I was saying.is that some people can have faith in bad stuff too. like….” I am ugly.. or I’m sick or i’m dying, or I’m stupid” etc… then they have what they say.. because “God is not mocked for whatever a man sows that he shall reap.”
so yeah. i’m totally selective..I would hope that everyone would be.. Most of the people that have said that i don’t listen are listening to doubt, fear, and satan so I don’t listen to them..
when I was pregnant, my pastor, family and doctor said I was having a miscarriage. I stood on God’s word that said. “I will not cast my seed before it’s time”. well I had my baby daughter and now she is ready to give birth to my grandson who will be a Prophet of God.It was prophesied by someone who didn’t know my daughter this Sunday at church. He will be like John the baptist. I claim the curly hair….part…too… (Just like me.. )
I am careful what I hear, look upon , say and think. If it comes as a thought and it is negative or from a destructive standpoint then I know that it is from the enemy of our souls. and I “cast down every imagination that exalts itself against the knowledge of God” because.. God says, that “we are accepted in the beloved. we are gifts, we are loved and I am my beloved’s and He is mine.”
Hope it helps for you to understand that I fear God and not man. I am a God pleaser and not a man pleaser. Neither do I want to be “religious” but have a relationship with My Daddy God.
you can read what God has been teaching me on my web site. then you will understand even more. check it out. http://www.mosaicmusic.webnode.com
posted by Jessica Evrist CEO, Artistic Director, Hair Stylist/Product Designer at http://www.CaliforniaStylesSalon.com/Singer/Songwriter/Radio show host
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:07
Listening is a critical piece to faith!!
David, from now on, as you walk down the sidewalk and you see a pile of brown stuff on the ground… I want you to stick your finger in it and taste it. Certainly, you’re not predisposed to thinking that you know what it is without even touching or tasting it, are you?
Certainly, no matter how wonderfully open and supportive and communicative you self profess that you are… you don’t listen endlessly to every single syllable and rant from every corner of the universe, do you? You mean you really have no limits? None?
The PC world likes to use little catch phrases like “pre-decide”… great euphamisms for bias and intolerance. Nonsense, I cross the street at night when I see someone who outwardly appears like they may present trouble. I pre-decide. I don’t walk by a stray dog who is bearing his teeth, as I pre-decide that it may be a danger from which I may not be victorious. I don’t eat refried beans because it looks like cat vomit. Ignorantly enough maybe, but I pre-decide that I won’t like it.
Please don’t tell us that there is nothing that you are ignorant of, or that there is nothing that you won’t listen to, etc. You may try to come off as being wonderfully open minded, but you instead lose all credibility.
We all do much better when we step away from the podium and come out from behind the curtain. Even the wizard was found to be likeable, helpful and even correct… once he discarded the facade and spoke to people eye to eye, rather than from on high.
Faith? Yeah, we listen, we learn, we develop / enahnce / enrich our faith through that process. Listening is a critical piece to faith of any kind.
Nice damned job, Jessica. You go girl!
posted by Brian Kelly Logistics Management, Transportation and Warehouse Operations Executive
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:07
Faith??
Well Jessica, if enough people inform you that they believe you are not a good listener…there must be a reason for that, eh?
From your post…it ‘appears’ that you pre-decide what is ‘worthy’ and what is not and therefore this dictates what you will decided to listen to and what you won’t.
Interesting!
And…i don’t get the “faith” comment—that faith comes by listening/hearing?
Faith in what?
posted by David Breslow Peak Performance Coach–Changing the way you Live, Work and Play
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:07
Faith comes by hearing
I have been told many times… from people that I do not listen.. i have to say that I listen alright to things that are worth listening to.
If it is a blockage i don’t listen.
IF it is a picture or sight, I can listen to that too.
if it is nonsense, or above my understanding then at that time i may not hear. If it is something that I do not understand or am not presently aware then i usually repeat it to hear it again.. faith comes by hearing.
Posted by Jessica Evrist from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:06
Depends
For me, it depends on what I am listening to.
If it is classical music, I can listen with all my heart and soul and be moved to tears.
If it is my neighbour complaining for the umpteenth time, I just smile and put in the expected sounds here and there.
If it is a friend in need, I open my heart and mind to hear and feel him/her with every fiber of my being.
If it is a problem of a more earthly kind, let’s say a bussiness decision to be made, I listen with my heart and brain and let them battle it out which answer I’m going to give.
If it is my mentally ill father…I can’t help to (still) listen with all my heart.
Posted by Paul Mulder Ghb from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:06
Pay attention
Keep in mind that you cannot learn anything new while you are speaking…
Posted by Robert DaSilva from Leadership Think Tank
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:06
Fantástico
Fantástico este texto. Realmente a arte de saber ouvir faz líderes muito melhores, capazes de compreender os problemas por inteiro.
By Valteir Souza Tax Consultant Sr. at Seara Alimentos S/A
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:05
Muito bom
Muito bom este artigo, não tem como você não se identificar com ele. Durante a leitura, você identifica que tipo de ouvinte que é, como também que tipo de ouvintes são as pessoas com quem você trabalha. Isso é muito bom, pois é possível tornar uma discussão mais produtiva.
Posted by Roberto Dantas Cardoso from VOCE S/A
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:05
Ouvindo melhor
(…………) ouvindo, apenas.
Parabéns pelo artigo!
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:05
Thanks…
Deni, thanks for the article. Listening is almost always underrated…It is probably one of the most important attributes required for being a leader.
Posted by Bill Frazier, PE from Leadership Think Tank
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:05
BOM OUVINTE
Fantástico!
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:04
Good post
Deni, thanks for this post.
Listening is at the core of good communication, not to mention good coaching.
And Dana, I love the listening to “eyes and soul”. Yes, listening is something that involves more than the ears.
In fact I tend to think of listeners in terms of the levels of their listening, more than the kind of listening they do.
Level 1 is a mix of what is going on in our head, chatter, judgments, anticipations, preconceptions, together with sounds from the outside.
Level 2 is listening with more focused attention, listening without an agenda.
Level 3 is whole body listening. Letting the words land and sensing into into the words and nonverbals of the speaker.
Practice at listening on the inside improves our listening on the outside.
Best,
Nick
Posted by Nicholas Head from Professional and Amateur Mentoring Group
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:04
Saber ouvir
Parabéns
Esta matéria é muito oportuna, pois há muitas pessoas que não sabem ouvir, pois mal começamosa falar sempre a interrupções.
Muitas pessoas não deixam a conclusão do racíocinio, pois sempre “sabem” mais.
Liderança é saber ouvir e respeitar as pessoas!
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:03
I agree
Deni, I agree! The leaders are very good listeners. And for sure the good ones listen using not only their ears, but also their eyes and their soul. And everything seems easier when you are really listening! You catch the inner side of the situation.
Posted by Dana Burghel from Professional and Amateur Mentoring Group
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:03
Obrigado
Concordo contigo Cláudio.
Obrigado Deni
By Ariel Levy Education – Management – Consulting
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:03
Ótimo texto para instrospecção.
Vale a pena guardar e esquecer encontrar e reler.
By Cláudio R. Silva at Tecnoset
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:02
Is not the primary expectation
In my opinion, it is not the primary expectation or quality of a leader to be a good listener in most areas of work such as IT unless he is with peers in which case, it is as important to listen as it is to voice one’s opinion; It is definitely a secondary requirement without which the leader may not be fully aware of the intent and motivations of the speaker which may impact his top line and bottom line.
I am ofcourse referring to qualified leaders who have a clear roadmap after analyzing his needs and has vast experience to be a mentor and guide and decision maker for his team who has listened and learnt extensively during in his past to get to where he is!
I acknowledge David’s point that listening also translates to interpretation of the listener.
Usually people talk a lot when they are trying to impress or don’t listen when they feel they know the likely conversation direction with the person(s). People usually listen when they are not sure and need opinions or when they need to resolve the problem of the speaker.
Posted by Suman Parthasarathy from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:02
Labels…
I believe listening is listening…and there are enough “training” programs out there to confuse the heck out of it…passionate, active, heart-felt, open, welcoming and on and on the labels of the ‘types’ of listening goes.
Listening is simple, it is clean and it is in the moment. I think there’s too much emphasis on labeling a type of listening rather than simply listening.
Simple listening requires an ability to be in the moment with someone, to be aware of oneself (automatic judgments, criticisms, need to talk, be noticed (ego) etc.
I know from experience that many folks are caught up in their own “tapes” which interfere with in the moment listening as they hear what ‘fits’ their existing vantage point.
This is why it is not only the listening that is important but the confirmation of what one thinks they heard—to see if it is in line with what was truly being spoken or intended.
Judgments can be made/opinions shared as a result of real listening but at least get it cleared that one is hearing what was intended…and then act accordingly.
Posted by David Breslow from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:02
CSO
Love it and love your title (CSO). You sound like a perfect candidate to participate in this year’s thinkAbout hosted by Pine and Gilmore of Strategic Horizons. I will be helping them plan and implement it for the 10th year in a row.
Posted by Edina Lessack from Linked Strategies
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:01
Thanks…
Thanks, Deni very interesting. Muito obigado.
Posted by Milton Rivera Manga from TEN – Top Executives Net
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:01
Passionate listeners
We’d all like to say we are passionate listeners… that we value people’s input and fully understand that the effectiveness of our “output” can be greatly impacted by someone else’s input… which we miss if we don’t listen. I’m sure there may be a few super examples given of this.
It’s all true, and incredibly obvious… a no brainer we all learned about as freshman in college psych 101.
Some of the real truth is… we do / have to judge who and what we are being tasked to listen to. Based upon our judgement there, the degree to which we listen and take in what is shared is greatly impacted. This only makes sense… an unavoidable evil I suppose… otherwise we’d be swimming in the middle of the Pacific Ocean of cumulative voices and perspectives. Sooner or later, we have to make up our own minds and make a definitive decisive move. Build great resources, value that team, take in all you can for any given issue, then step up and strike your blow.
Posted by Brian Kelly from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:01
Depends
That depends on my energy-state Deni
When i am really grounded i can passively listen for hours…
When not, i am an active listener and provide much feedback to the speaker
Posted by Ronald Vermeij from Leaders & Thinkers
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:00
Nice article
Nice article Deni. It speaks about the basics of conversation which unfortunately all of us give least attention to.
Keep reminding us to do the basic things properly
Posted by Jiveshdeep Singh Sandhu from Leadership Think Tank
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:00
Listening and looking
As the points above, Listening and Looking are the most important senses for anyone in sales. How else do you find out what the customer needs and wants. Too many sales people these days try to sell products without listening and learning the customer’s requirements and wonder why they don’t get the sale.
I like to think I keep my eyes and ears open, however, depending upon who you speak to you will get different opinions on that!
Posted by Andrew Gotley from SalesBlogcast.com
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 18:00
The good listener
Every week we are gifted by pastor Rick Warren. It’s very useful to these days where people have no time to anything: we seem to be always late, with tight time to accomplish the daily tasks and in a such hurry that we don’t pay the right attention to some basic needs of our friend next door… This is the kind of learning I have tried hard and believe me, it is a challenge… and explains why we see so many flawed and mistaken leaders and so few successful
through our lives.
This is a real chance to make the difference.
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 17:59
Bom Líder…. Bom Ouvinte
O texto é fantástico. Para nosso crescimento e aprendizado é importante fazermos uma auto análise a partir dos estilos básicos do ouvinte (julgador, interrogador, conselheiro e empático) citados no texto, para então adotarmos ações que desenvolvam e aprimorem esta habilidade. Entendo que seja um exercício constante em todas as nossas relações. Eliciana
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 17:59
Great
Great points, How can you truly sell the customer without knowing what their interests and issues are, and their motivation…
Posted by Tom Thompson from SalesBlogcast.com
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 17:59
Active
“Active” listening is one of the most fundamental skills needed for success, in particular in sales, but no matter what the endeavour. I think it’s Steven Covey who said, “seek first to understand, then to be understood”, and I believe it’s critically important.
If you’re truly interested in learning about the other person, their business, the gaps between where they are and where they’d like to be, you need to listen; and to do so without thinking about what you are going to say next.
And you have to not only listen to what people say, but what’s “in between the lines” – what they are NOT saying.
Gee. this could be a whole book in and of itself.
Posted by George Polak from SalesBlogcast.com
dezembro 26th, 2009 at 17:58
Empathetic listener
Empathetic Listener. It’s extremely vital, in any sales role or any position deal with a client to be an affective listener. To capture their true concerns, their pain points, their direction and interests, their wants and needs, etc. Thank you for sharing your link.
Posted by David Kowal from SalesBlogcast.com